Tina Fey brings up an interesting idea when she says that she looks at the rules of improv as a worldview. While following any sort of rule book for how to live your life may seem too rigid and inflexible, the rules of improv do allow for many interpretations. The simple idea, "Start with a YES and see where that takes you," can actually be quite freeing (Fey, 84). Some people could be, without realizing it, closing themselves off to new opportunities that can be life-changing by simply saying "NO" to these opportunities. Allowing oneself to say "yes" to those opportunities or plans that seem too scary to follow through with is not only freeing, but it's also brave. It is not easy to say yes, but when you do you could find that it can change your life.
For example, I spent 4 years as a housewife and stay-at-home mom. During this time I was absolutely miserable. Partly because I was unhappy without career goals and aspirations that I was actively working toward, partly because I was in a toxic marriage with a man who had an unbearable temper which he took out on me. I'd toyed with the idea of leaving for a year or more before I actually decided to go. Every time I had the idea, I'd always tell myself "No, you couldn't do that. It would be too hard. You'd have to start your life over again." But one day after things had gotten particularly bad between my ex-husband and me I had the urge to leave, and this time, I said "yes!"
Not only did I say yes, but I said to myself, "Yes, and?" Saying, "yes" was the first step which opened the door to the "And?" I knew I would leave, but what would I do once I left? I could have settled for taking any job I could find and playing out the platitudinous trope of a struggling single mother for the rest of my daughter's childhood, but remember, I said "Yes, and..." I decided that simply leaving wasn't enough for me. I said, "Yes, I will leave. Yes, I will start my life over. and I will create a life for myself and my daughter that's better than the life we had with her father." I decided to go back to school. I decided to become a scientist. This decision has changed my life in a multitude of ways for the better and it all started with a yes.
The final rule, "There are no mistakes, only opportunities," is very applicable to life in my opinion. My time with my ex-husband was not a mistake, rather an opportunity. Had I not gone through what I went through with him, it may not have led me to where I am today. I would not have my daughter who was a "beautiful, happy accident" herself (85). Having to start my life over again was an important lesson in not being afraid to fail, and it taught me what Fey embraces as part of her world view: that "there are no mistakes, only happy accidents" (85). For this reason, I do not fear failure and I never compromise my dreams or goals, because even if I make a mistake I know that this will only lead to another opportunity.
A heck of a post! I love how you take this concept from Fey and apply it to your own experience. Really nicely done!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you took the stand for yourself is phenomenal and I'm so happy you've taken your happiness into your own hands. How you spoke about your "Yes and..." thought process was really inspirational and is probably a great way to be thinking in regards to your own life and happiness as well as that of your daughters'. Fey's own road to womanly strength is inspirational, but your story feels like it is much more relatable than becoming "kind of famous." Regardless, you are an incredibly strong woman and it seems like Tina Fey's rules have been with you before you ever realized it.
ReplyDeleteHer concept of "and" is very interesting because while it is just a word it holds so much power for one person: what is next? There is the need to continue striving for the next piece of your life, the next achievement, the next adventure. It holds a desire to continue to work and strive for your own happiness and that of those around you and not be complacent and stagnant.
Your experience I feel orchestrates all of Fey's concepts of feminist and self empowerment better than anything else.
Thank you for sharing it with us!